The Moonlight on the Floor
Sep. 3rd, 2006 10:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
eggshellblueI come bearing drabble. Or ficlet. Whichever this classifies as.
Okay, so, I already know that it sucks. But it's up to you to tell me exactly how badly it sucks! :D
Bear in mind I haven't written anything (fictional) since twelfth grade (I am currently entering my second year of college, just to give you an idea of the time frame) ~ so I'm rusty. Really rusty. >_<;;
Okay... *deep breath* So here we go! >_<;;
Title: The Moonlight on the Floor
Author: Me... >_>;;
Genre: Horror
Rating: PG-13; for swearing, violence and implied sexual activities
Author’s Note: Gah… why am I posting this?! T_T
Thud. Thud.
She clutched the hem of her frayed nightgown, supple fingers grazed on coarse fabric.
thudthud thud thudthud thud
Tighter, closer. Curled beneath the bottom stair. Tighter, closer. Clutching her frail limbs tighter, closer. Skin stretched taught beneath wide-open eyes. Tighter, tighter, that’s it baby…
Her breath rattled in her throat, her heart hammered in her chest. Thudthud thud thudthud thud.
That’s it Andrea, tighter, closer… that’s it baby, tighter, oh so tight… closer, that’s it baby, closer…
Thudthud thud thudthud thud
Her heart would pound in her chest.
Thudthud thud thudthud thud
There was a dent in the wall, though no one saw. Just behind the bed, behind the tousled sheets, sweaty mattress, tear stained pillows. It was there, though no one saw.
Thudthud thud thudthud thud went her heart.
Thudthud thud thudthud thud went the bed.
That’s it baby, closer… closer now, tighter…
Closer baby, closer baby, closer baby sang the dent. Always hiding, never found.
Shut up, she muttered feverishly beneath her breath, beneath the stair. The stair, the stair, beneath the stair! Sang the dent.
You shut your mouth!
I’m a dent you whore, I don’t have a mouth.
Inhale, exhale. Breathe. Just breathe. It’s just a dent. A fucking dent.
Fucking fucking fucking sang the dent
She screwed her eyes tighter. Tighter, closer.
Shut up!She choked between sobs. Just shut the fuck up!
You shut the fuck up.
You’re just a dent, she wept.
A dent, a dent, a fucking dent!
Upstairs, past the mirror in the hall, past the moonlight on the floor, past the blood in his hair, the dent, the dent, the fucking dent!
She wanted to go up there, to yell at it, to scream at it, to make it shut the fuck up.
You shut the fuck up.
But she couldn’t go up there. Past the mirror in the hall, the moonlight on the floor, the blood in his hair…
You gonna put blood in my hair? You can’t you bitch, I’m a dent!
It wasn’t her. She didn’t do it.
Yes you did, yes you did, yes you did.
I didn’t! She cried.
Then who did? Me? I’m the only one here, and I’m a dent. A dent, a dent, a fucking dent! Whispered the dent, the sound of its words washing over her ears like a sickly-sweet breath.
Thudthud thud thudthud thud
Went her heart. Went the bed.
Closer, tighter baby…
Who did it Andrea? Who put the blood in his hair?
I don’t know! Leave me alone!
But you are alone, crooned the dent, it’s breath washing past her hair and down her spine.
Her skin stretched taught over wide-open eyes, tighter, closer. Her neck twitched as though it wanted to turn, but in the end she said You’re just a fucking…oh, before my blade sank into her neck.
With the same expression on her face, she rolled across the floor and stopped a ways away. Skin stretched taught over wide-open eyes, tighter, closer.
What happened to Andrea? Asked the dent. The dent upstairs, behind the bed.
“Didn’t you see?” I replied.
No, of course not. I’m behind the bed.
“Ah, fair point. Well, she killed her husband and then killed herself.”
Oh.
I got up to walk past the head, past the moonlight on the floor.
And who are you again?
I smiled.
The dent, the dent, the fucking dent.
---
Try not to laugh too hard ;___;
Okay, so, I already know that it sucks. But it's up to you to tell me exactly how badly it sucks! :D
Bear in mind I haven't written anything (fictional) since twelfth grade (I am currently entering my second year of college, just to give you an idea of the time frame) ~ so I'm rusty. Really rusty. >_<;;
Okay... *deep breath* So here we go! >_<;;
Title: The Moonlight on the Floor
Author: Me... >_>;;
Genre: Horror
Rating: PG-13; for swearing, violence and implied sexual activities
Author’s Note: Gah… why am I posting this?! T_T
Thud. Thud.
She clutched the hem of her frayed nightgown, supple fingers grazed on coarse fabric.
thudthud thud thudthud thud
Tighter, closer. Curled beneath the bottom stair. Tighter, closer. Clutching her frail limbs tighter, closer. Skin stretched taught beneath wide-open eyes. Tighter, tighter, that’s it baby…
Her breath rattled in her throat, her heart hammered in her chest. Thudthud thud thudthud thud.
That’s it Andrea, tighter, closer… that’s it baby, tighter, oh so tight… closer, that’s it baby, closer…
Thudthud thud thudthud thud
Her heart would pound in her chest.
Thudthud thud thudthud thud
There was a dent in the wall, though no one saw. Just behind the bed, behind the tousled sheets, sweaty mattress, tear stained pillows. It was there, though no one saw.
Thudthud thud thudthud thud went her heart.
Thudthud thud thudthud thud went the bed.
That’s it baby, closer… closer now, tighter…
Closer baby, closer baby, closer baby sang the dent. Always hiding, never found.
Shut up, she muttered feverishly beneath her breath, beneath the stair. The stair, the stair, beneath the stair! Sang the dent.
You shut your mouth!
I’m a dent you whore, I don’t have a mouth.
Inhale, exhale. Breathe. Just breathe. It’s just a dent. A fucking dent.
Fucking fucking fucking sang the dent
She screwed her eyes tighter. Tighter, closer.
Shut up!She choked between sobs. Just shut the fuck up!
You shut the fuck up.
You’re just a dent, she wept.
A dent, a dent, a fucking dent!
Upstairs, past the mirror in the hall, past the moonlight on the floor, past the blood in his hair, the dent, the dent, the fucking dent!
She wanted to go up there, to yell at it, to scream at it, to make it shut the fuck up.
You shut the fuck up.
But she couldn’t go up there. Past the mirror in the hall, the moonlight on the floor, the blood in his hair…
You gonna put blood in my hair? You can’t you bitch, I’m a dent!
It wasn’t her. She didn’t do it.
Yes you did, yes you did, yes you did.
I didn’t! She cried.
Then who did? Me? I’m the only one here, and I’m a dent. A dent, a dent, a fucking dent! Whispered the dent, the sound of its words washing over her ears like a sickly-sweet breath.
Thudthud thud thudthud thud
Went her heart. Went the bed.
Closer, tighter baby…
Who did it Andrea? Who put the blood in his hair?
I don’t know! Leave me alone!
But you are alone, crooned the dent, it’s breath washing past her hair and down her spine.
Her skin stretched taught over wide-open eyes, tighter, closer. Her neck twitched as though it wanted to turn, but in the end she said You’re just a fucking…oh, before my blade sank into her neck.
With the same expression on her face, she rolled across the floor and stopped a ways away. Skin stretched taught over wide-open eyes, tighter, closer.
What happened to Andrea? Asked the dent. The dent upstairs, behind the bed.
“Didn’t you see?” I replied.
No, of course not. I’m behind the bed.
“Ah, fair point. Well, she killed her husband and then killed herself.”
Oh.
I got up to walk past the head, past the moonlight on the floor.
And who are you again?
I smiled.
The dent, the dent, the fucking dent.
---
Try not to laugh too hard ;___;
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-09-04 03:26 am (UTC)I’m a dent you whore, I don’t have a mouth.
That did make me snicker a bit...BUT...
I think it has potentional. I think you need to integrate a little more of the conclusion into the actual body. Details. :3
*squish* WELCOME BACK TO WRITING.
no subject
Date: 2006-09-04 09:59 pm (UTC)You're right hun, after reading it over again I totally see what you mean about that ^_^;; ~ I think if I had added more details, people wouldn't get so confused while reading it (about four people told me they didn't get it XP)
Thanks for the advice <3
*squishes back*
no subject
Date: 2006-09-04 10:14 pm (UTC)Confusing
Date: 2006-09-04 03:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-04 01:40 pm (UTC)oooh, creepy. I pretty much was going to say exactly what
no subject
Date: 2006-09-04 01:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-04 10:15 pm (UTC)I am a bad username tag!
*hand to heart*
X3
no subject
Date: 2006-09-04 10:17 pm (UTC)>:O
no subject
Date: 2006-09-04 10:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-04 10:02 pm (UTC)Yeah, you guys were both totally right about that. Roughly four people read it and told me they were thoroughly confused by it XDD;;; ~ But yeah, I'll definitely keep the detailing in mind when I re-work it ~ Thanks for the advice babes <3
Oh, and dude, you're talking to the guy who gave a dent some dialogue. Hell yeah franticness is a word! XD
(also, Kyasuriin is teh pwn! Hoo-sha for the awesome name change! *hug*)