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Alright, last night's entry was way too emo. Sorry if I freaked anyone out ^^;
Tash called last night, and I just let it all out... we talked for like three hours ^_^; ~ But it was so what I needed. I woke up today feeling refreshed and much stronger about this whole thing.
Anyway, if you couldn't tell by the pattern of my last entries, this all has to do with the whole 'Nick thing'. This entry will (hopefully) be the last I've got to write about him, and all this drama.
Lemme do this in order, ya?
Last Sunday:
Several of us from work went to go see X3, and you know who also went. (even though he said he'd seen it before, was dissappointed by it, etc. Refer to the third entry on my page for details) ~ Anyway, it was teh fun. I learned that he's read The DaVinci Code as well as Angels&Demons. This, for me, is teh turn on, as I am teh bibliophile, m'kay? And, on a side note, I also figured out that my friend Prab likes him. This made me feel terrible, because I <3 her. She's such a great friend, and just an amazing human being. So, I helped conspire w/ her to get the two of them to sit together (because of course no one at work knows I am gay, unless through speculation, and consequently, they wouldn't know I like Nick either)
Anyway, the plan worked and they did sit together. I sat at the other end of the row, and felt kinda shitty every time I looked over. Not jealous, mind you. Just... conflicted. Attraction versus Loyalty to a good friend, and all that jazz.
Last Monday:
To make matters worse, Prab gave me a ride to work the next day, the fucking sweetheart that she is. Anyway, I 'casually' brought up the Nick thing, and asked her how the plan went. She just laughed and said it's not serious, just a crush. She says that she can't see herself with him anyway - he's just fun to look at.
This, of course, made me feel so much better. I now felt less guilty in liking him ^_^
Last Tuesday:
The day was pretty slow, so most of the red-caps and us cashiers were just bumming around. Many of the Reds came to hang out at our tills'. Anyway, Nick and John spent alot of time at the till that Prab and I were working at. It was fun because most of management weren't around >D
And then it hit.
He's got a girlfriend.
I don't quite remember how it came up, but it did. He was talking to John about her or something, and I overheard. It was so... blatant, and obvious, and fucking shitty because they were messing around and making crude jokes at the same time.
Well, now that I knew this, I was determined to forget about him. I made myself more approachable, and tried to just be friends with him, in hopes that friendship would drown out the attraction (at it had done with John, who you may or may not recall as being one of my crushes at work). Also, I looked for reasons not to like him. He's crude, guy-ish, and just a total frat-boy at times. Then he'll go and say he's a huge Harry Potter fan, and has read all the books next. What the fuck. Not as easy as expected.
Last Wednesday:
I'm making progress. Now we can talk more easily, and a large portion of that built up ackwardness between us has evaporated. So I'm feeling better about it now, right?
But lo and behold. He's still sneaking looks at me. I ignore them, of course, but I can't help to notice them out of my peripheral vision.
What the bloody fuck.
What is wrong with this guy, huh? He goes and fucking brags about his girlfriend in front of me, and then expects me to continue our game of eye-fuck?
Um. No.
But I still get shivers every time he looks at me like that. Why can't I just quit this? Haven't I been put through enough mental and emotional torture over this shit? He's got a girlfriend! Why won't he leave me alone?!
Well, I don't care if this is just some game to him, or whatever. I'm through. I'm going to continue to ignore those looks until they stop altogether. Enough is enough. I will not get in the way of his relationship because he's 'curious'. No.
Enough. I am so done with this shit.
Tash called last night, and I just let it all out... we talked for like three hours ^_^; ~ But it was so what I needed. I woke up today feeling refreshed and much stronger about this whole thing.
Anyway, if you couldn't tell by the pattern of my last entries, this all has to do with the whole 'Nick thing'. This entry will (hopefully) be the last I've got to write about him, and all this drama.
Lemme do this in order, ya?
Last Sunday:
Several of us from work went to go see X3, and you know who also went. (even though he said he'd seen it before, was dissappointed by it, etc. Refer to the third entry on my page for details) ~ Anyway, it was teh fun. I learned that he's read The DaVinci Code as well as Angels&Demons. This, for me, is teh turn on, as I am teh bibliophile, m'kay? And, on a side note, I also figured out that my friend Prab likes him. This made me feel terrible, because I <3 her. She's such a great friend, and just an amazing human being. So, I helped conspire w/ her to get the two of them to sit together (because of course no one at work knows I am gay, unless through speculation, and consequently, they wouldn't know I like Nick either)
Anyway, the plan worked and they did sit together. I sat at the other end of the row, and felt kinda shitty every time I looked over. Not jealous, mind you. Just... conflicted. Attraction versus Loyalty to a good friend, and all that jazz.
Last Monday:
To make matters worse, Prab gave me a ride to work the next day, the fucking sweetheart that she is. Anyway, I 'casually' brought up the Nick thing, and asked her how the plan went. She just laughed and said it's not serious, just a crush. She says that she can't see herself with him anyway - he's just fun to look at.
This, of course, made me feel so much better. I now felt less guilty in liking him ^_^
Last Tuesday:
The day was pretty slow, so most of the red-caps and us cashiers were just bumming around. Many of the Reds came to hang out at our tills'. Anyway, Nick and John spent alot of time at the till that Prab and I were working at. It was fun because most of management weren't around >D
And then it hit.
He's got a girlfriend.
I don't quite remember how it came up, but it did. He was talking to John about her or something, and I overheard. It was so... blatant, and obvious, and fucking shitty because they were messing around and making crude jokes at the same time.
Well, now that I knew this, I was determined to forget about him. I made myself more approachable, and tried to just be friends with him, in hopes that friendship would drown out the attraction (at it had done with John, who you may or may not recall as being one of my crushes at work). Also, I looked for reasons not to like him. He's crude, guy-ish, and just a total frat-boy at times. Then he'll go and say he's a huge Harry Potter fan, and has read all the books next. What the fuck. Not as easy as expected.
Last Wednesday:
I'm making progress. Now we can talk more easily, and a large portion of that built up ackwardness between us has evaporated. So I'm feeling better about it now, right?
But lo and behold. He's still sneaking looks at me. I ignore them, of course, but I can't help to notice them out of my peripheral vision.
What the bloody fuck.
What is wrong with this guy, huh? He goes and fucking brags about his girlfriend in front of me, and then expects me to continue our game of eye-fuck?
Um. No.
But I still get shivers every time he looks at me like that. Why can't I just quit this? Haven't I been put through enough mental and emotional torture over this shit? He's got a girlfriend! Why won't he leave me alone?!
Well, I don't care if this is just some game to him, or whatever. I'm through. I'm going to continue to ignore those looks until they stop altogether. Enough is enough. I will not get in the way of his relationship because he's 'curious'. No.
Enough. I am so done with this shit.
